


Terms and Conditions

by Pachitastic



Category: Tokyo Demons Series - Lianne Sentar
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 09:19:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9117418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pachitastic/pseuds/Pachitastic
Summary: A rambly thing on Kado thinking about the people he's loved. OT3 stuff because let's be honest: do I DO anything else? No.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I hate titles?? I hate them. HATE.
> 
> Two days in a row I got woken up waaay before my alarm went off. Wrote this yesterday at like, 4AM, posting it today at like, 3AM. 
> 
> I just have a lot of feelings about Kadoyuki Yoshimoto.

Kadoyuki knew, that for most people, love was something that boiled down to “I trust this person and they make me happy.” It wasn’t always the case-- being in everyone’s heads all the time gave him plenty of insight to the darker part of loving someone-- the more familiar parts. 

Maybe, when he was small, love had been something that was as simple as loving his parents and not questioning it. He could say he loved them and they loved him because they were a family and they were his parents and he was their child and this was simply how it was and that was good.

He didn’t really know though. 

For what time he could remember, he remembered loving his parents but also being afraid of his mother-- she could hear everything in his head, all the time, and he could hear everything in hers. There was no privacy-- he knew every angry thought and every thought she regretted, her panic and misery and self hatred. She knew him inside and out, every angry and betrayed and hopeful thread that echoed through his head. 

They had no boundaries. At times, he resented her for that (but not for long, because she would hear and know). Kadoyuki loved his mother, but it was tinged with fear and bitterness. 

Kadoyuki’s father was a pathetic man-- he didn’t intervene and Kadoyuki couldn’t remember if he ever had. He had warm, positive memories of his dad, such as when they would watch the Sentai shows in the park, but as much as he loved his dad, there was an undercurrent of anger. Why couldn’t he dad protect him? Why wouldn’t he? Even though Kadoyuki  _ knew _ those answers because he heard them in his father’s head, it didn’t make the feelings go away. 

For the better part of his life, Kadoyuki understood love as something that you just kind of did, but it didn’t often come with a feeling of safety or lightness.

When Kadoyuki met Sachi, he was annoyed. Sachi wanted his attention, Sachi wanted him so socialize. Sachi wanted to break Kadoyuki’s carefully constructed walls, and he didn’t even know it. Sachi was kindness and happiness, fluttering thoughts of pure, unadultered, friendliness. Even the heart of the matter-- Sachi enjoying helping people because it made  _ him _ feel good and have some self worth, didn’t taint the core Sachi’s kindness. 

Sachi truly fit his name. 

In the same span of time, the awkward years of puberty where Kadoyuki spent most of his time trying not to think about anything, he met Touya. Where Sachi wanted to get through to Kadoyuki, but didn’t, Touya slipped past his defenses before Kadoyuki had any idea that it had happened. Touya made Kadoyuki want that-- there was a liberation that Kadoyuki had never known in someone getting past his walls. 

The freedom and comfort of having someone he could  _ talk _ to about his family and being a psychic was enthralling-- Kadoyuki had never felt anything like it, and as the months wore on, he felt a warmth-- a safety-- that he hadn’t before. There may have been an undercurrent of fear, but Kadoyuki ignored it. Touya could protect him  _ and _ love him, two things together, as they should be. 

There were months of them getting closer-- fleeting touches and quiet embraces. There was a tenderness, even though sometimes Touya would make Kadoyuki feel small and powerless. Kadoyuki had never had something quite like this, and he wasn’t about to give it up. Besides, no one else would  _ ever _ know Touya the way he did-- Kadoyuki was special. 

The first night at Fukuhashi, Touya trailed his gloved fingers along Kadoyuki’s jaw and slowly leaned in to kiss him. Touya got angry easily, but there was always a little extra patience reserved for Kadoyuki-- patience for when he would flinch away, even when he didn’t  _ mean _ to. 

When Touya kissed him, there were sparks and his heart skipped a beat in his chest. This was love, wasn’t it? It was-- it had to be. 

Alone in their dorm room, far, far from Kadoyuki’s mother, they could explore and touch and  _ feel _ and Kadoyuki could put the consequences far out of his mind for the time being. It was easy to ignore the little things that made him feel like he didn’t have a choice, and the little things that made him feel sick. Touya wasn’t wrong when he said that no one would ever love Kadoyuki the way he did, after all. 

It was easier to do what Touya wanted and sink into the comfort of being rewarded for pleasing him. Kadoyuki barely even noticed that he was being infected with toxins, and he didn’t think twice about the sharp words he would speak the way that Touya would do to him. It was fine, it was fine-- it was the best love that Kadoyuki had ever had, and he wasn’t going to let anything take that away from him. 

He loved Touya, even as Touya destroyed him. 

Then, there was Ayase. 

Ayase was terrified of everything, much the way Kadoyuki often was, but while he took the route of obeying and hoping it was the right choice, Ayase was defiance. 

The first time she became the swarm in front of him he had been terrified-- after all, there was a swarm of  _ wasps _ in front of him where a girl had been-- but as she surrounded him, all he could hear were her angry thoughts about how she would protect him and wouldn’t fail him like she had before. They didn’t even really know each other, aside from the incident at the hospital, and she was determined to keep him safe. Based off of the  _ littlest bit of information, _ Ayase was willing to trust and protect Kadoyuki.

It made him feel sick. 

Being with the Church was a striking break in Kadoyuki’s life, different from home and different from being with Touya. For the most part, the people there were kind, and those that weren’t he couldn’t really be mad at-- after all, he was the liar in their midst, and he simply hadn’t been able to fool everyone. 

When they were kind to him, Kadoyuki knew he didn’t deserve it. It made him really,  _ really _ sick, and when he was throwing up, he would remember how Touya could be so soothing and kind to him, when he wanted to be. Rubbing his back, tossing him a bottle of medication, Touya could be as kind as these people were. 

Kadoyuki didn’t know how to deal with all of this-- the people here were kindness without conditions, but he was a liar and it was impossible to be transparent and open with them the way he was with Touya. However, Touya’s kindness always came with conditions and the longer he was away from Touya, the more he realized that that was how it had always been. 

When the truth came out that Kadoyuki was a traitor, he expected to be hurt the way he always had when he was in trouble, but he wasn’t. People were angry-- hurt-- but no one hurt _ him _ . All the more, Kadoyuki felt sick. He didn’t deserve their kindness after what he had done. 

Alone in the hospital room, trying to sleep, Kadoyuki wondered what the fleeting happiness was that he felt when he was near Sachi and Ayase. 

The penthouse really sealed things, in Kadoyuki’s mind. He wanted to protect the people that had fought for him the way that Ayase had protected him. He wanted to repay their kindness, at the very least. 

In more selfish thoughts, he wanted to keep them close to himself-- something special.

When Kadoyuki was “dead,” he allowed himself to fantasize. He thought about Sachi and Ayase-- their kindness and how tender they both were. He knew Sachi loved him, but every time he expected there to be a condition for that, there wasn’t. Sachi loved him, didn’t push him, didn’t ask for anything, not even reciprocation. Though Kadoyuki’s knee jerk reaction was to be afraid every time someone, especially a man, touched him, he wasn’t actually afraid of Sachi-- he could be alone in a room with Sachi for hours upon hours and he wasn’t afraid. 

Kadoyuki knew he loved Sachi, but when he was alone and looking to the future for their next moves, he wished that he had Sachi there with him. 

Ideally, he would’ve liked to have Sachi  _ and _ Ayase there with him. Sachi was the optimism and energy, Ayase was quieter-- content to read a book in silence. Kadoyuki thought it might be nice to sit and read with her sometime, both off in their own little worlds, but not alone. 

In the space that was his own, Kadoyuki allowed himself to fantasize and  _ feel _ \-- he loved them, and they loved him. It was more pure than anything he had experienced before-- it didn’t come with the guilt and the self hatred and the misery and feeling small. He didn’t feel small when he thought about them-- he felt happy and stronger than he ever had. 

His fantasies were largely innocent-- kissing and quiet, trying to remember their thought patterns. He just wanted to  _ be _ with them and he would be happy. He wanted Sachi’s pouncing, alert thoughts and he wanted Ayase’s quiet, clear thoughts. She was always more confident in her head than when she actually spoke. 

Surviving this and being with them again, in any capacity, was what Kadoyuki made his goal. If he could love them and be loved  _ at all _ , without it coming with barbed words and conditions and guilt for feeling things, that was what he wanted. He wanted the safety that came with the feeling that they were all too happy to give him.

For all the times Kadoyuki had felt love, he had never loved the feeling as much as with them.

  
  



End file.
